To Be Fair in a Love Affair

ocean turbulence

To be fair
It didn’t start out this way
You were loving and so kind
So sweet and tender
You called me all the time
Spent hours talking
You sent me a poem
Not an original but
Something you wanted to share

To be fair
I saw the love in you
We played in the universe
In the silky sky
Fleeting between planets
Sexing it up
You and I

To be fair
When did it become serious;
When was it no longer fun;
I’m not sure;
But do you remember?
I think when we fell in love

To be fair
I felt you pull away
And I promised myself
That I would not try to hold on
I’d done that once
It didn’t work

To be fair
I tried to give you your space
Accept your comings and goings
It was difficult but
We already had distance between us
We lived in different states

To be fair
I was going through
A challenging time
Fighting a legal battle
A war of evil; I needed civility
I arranged our meetings
You conceded

To be fair
And you know it too
We laughed and played
You enjoyed the moments
Quite like me
Were you thinking eternity?

To be fair
I felt some distance
So I asked the question
And you responded honestly
That there was an obstacle
You were having trouble crossing
I didn’t try to gloss it over
But I thought
Is this the real problem?

To be fair
You were free and grown
And so was I
I understood the obstacle
But I doubted it to be
The cause of such anxiety
I did my part or so I thought
To ease us over the hump
I did all I knew to do

To be fair
My patience was threadbare
I was having anxiety of my own
Here between two loves
And still so all alone
You had to do the rest
Whatever the rest there was to do
And do whatever best
That would work for you

To be fair
I pushed the point
I issued the ultimatum
But the tick tock, itty bitty
Drip drops upon my soul
We’re too unbearable
Don’t peel off my Band-Aids
Yank them off and be done with it

To be fair
You made the decision
Said it wouldn’t work
I didn’t like it and it hurt
But I accepted it
You said we could be friends
And I anxiously agreed
And then you pulled the rug from me
Put the plug in that

To be fair
It wasn’t fair
You took your friendship away
I was counting on that to make it through
Counting on that after the loss of you
Hoping that friendship would get me back to safe ground
Instead I was left far out to sea

To be fair
I’m still trying
It’s taking me some time
I’m not a strong swimmer
And I was too far out
Still I’m swimming back in with the tide
I know I’ll get to shore again
It’s not my time to die

To be fair
I think you’re mad
Angry that I forced a decision
That you weren’t ready to make
So why should you help me
Why shouldn’t I drown;
In sorrow,
Like you?

To be fair
My heart taps occasionally at the door
Maybe one day you’ll open
Up to me
And tell me why
Then I’ll no longer have to speculate
But then will it be too late
To matter?

To be fair
I don’t look back
I don’t look forward
I float each day in the brine
To be fair the gulf between us
Will have to be healed with time.

Photo by Alexander Kim from Pexels